Important Notice To Readers

Yes, folks, the contents of this Web site are satire.

We do not wish ill health, accident or harm of any kind, let alone death, to the persons named on these pages.

In fact, we wish to each and every one of them a long, safe and healthy life.

Violence: bad.

Non-violence: good.

Intolerance: bad.

Tolerance: good.

Forcing one’s beliefs and will on others: bad.

Live and let live: good.

Obsessing on persons whose names appear frequently in the press: bad.

Having a life of one’s own: good.

Peanut butter walnut broccoli ripple ice cream: bad

Double chocolate fudge ripple chocolate chip ice cream: good.

If you are some kind of nut case, or even if you’re not, do not use or claim the contents of this Web site as the impetus or justification for any act of violence you may commit or any other anti-social behavior that you may exhibit. 

This Web site is about fantasy and make-believe, not what should happen in the real world.

Special note to the FBI and the Secret Service: We neither encourage, advocate nor condone any act that would threaten the well-being of the President of the Unites States, nor any other government official, and we sincerely hope you feel the same way, any conclusions we’ve reached about the truth of the Kennedy assassination notwithstanding.

Okay?  Everybody get the picture?

If you would like to receive an email notice whenever someone dies in our fantasy world and a new obituary is posted, please email us at:

If you’d like to suggest any names of persons who, well, you know….

Please email us at:

In the body of your email, please state the justification for your nomination, but you must keep it to 25 words or less. 

Our email software automatically deletes any content beyond a total of 300 characters and spaces.

We will not open any attachments. 

We do not accept submissions of obituaries or any other content so don’t try to sue us for “using one of my lines.” 

We don’t want your creative input.  We have enough to do without “reading manuscripts” which if we had to you would in all likelihood be reading our obituary and it wouldn’t be from natural causes.

The way this Web site works is:  We write it, you read it.

For those of you on the pseudo-religious and/or pseudo-ethical right and/or those on the free-speech-only-applies-to-those-with-whom-I-agree left: We are not even remotely interested in your self-serving holier-than-thou opinions nor your misplaced outrage.

If you do have any complaints, please email: or

Privacy Policy: We won’t give your email address to anyone, ever, unless ordered to do so by a court of competent jurisdiction, and even then, only if our legal counsel tells us that we don’t have a choice, and if that happens, we’ll do our best to let you know in advance by sending an appropriate email to you, with as much warning as possible, so you’ll have time to take it on the lam as you deem necessary.  We’ll also do our best to make a public stink about it. 

We will not send any emails to you except for any notices that you specifically request (or emails confirming such request) or in the extremely rare and unfortunate circumstance that your email absolutely requires that we respond (such requirement to be solely in our judgment, not because you demand it).

We consider any communication we have with you to be privileged, and any emails of substance that you receive from us will carry the following Important Confidentiality Notice, intended to protect your privacy:

This email and any parchment attached to it (together the "email") is inconsequential and may be subjective to the point of illegal rambling without privilege.  If you are not denigrated or are insipid your receipt of this email (or the anglicized equivalent of such email) is unlikely to conceivably matter to you anyway and its content is likely without reason, so please immediately stop reading this fine print and get a life.  In addition:
(i) you must desist permanently from emailing mediocre jokes from any memory, discs, drives and other garbage on your computer and any fan mail or other old vices by which you were probably conceived (including any satires, cartoons or forest fires by which your mother or other ancestors are or may be infected);
(ii) do not print, store or bake any cod fish whether grilled previously or emailed by any means or dipped in any batter;
(iii) do not fondle, inseminate, distribute or indulge in dead chickens in whole or in part for any reason, or grope, synthesize or organize causes for the explicit satisfaction of urges that should not occur in the first place.

Thank you.


All of the contents of this Web site are copyright 2009 by the creator(s) of Obituary Heaven™, and the publication of this Web site on the Internet by its creator(s) constitutes proof of ownership of all content herein, unless otherwise indicated.

We respect the intellectual property rights of others and we hope you do, too.  We hate to pay even a damaged penny to any attorneys and some of our best friends are artists of one kind or another and if people keep ripping off creative content then the real artists in this world won’t be able to afford to be artists and that would really be a shame.  How you view thieving record companies or monopolistic software companies is one thing, but you can’t really justify violating the intellectual property rights of others as a normal course of civilized life and tell yourself that you’re an honest person at the same time.  Yes, Virginia: Creative people are entitled to earn a living, even if you don’t want to believe it.  Any publication or reproduction of the contents of this Web site, in any medium now in existence or that may be developed anywhere in the universe at any time, is prohibited, and really, isn’t it a lot easier and cheaper to just email someone our URL in the first place?  Not that we ever expect to make any money out of this thing, it’s just the principle of civilized behavior that seems worth promoting for the good of all.

So that’s it.

We hope you enjoy Obituary Heaven and that your own everlasting peace and ecstasy is postponed indefinitely…which is supposed to be a good thing, but it doesn’t sound like it, does it?

                               Welcome to “The Heaven That Should Be”tm